November-December 2017

Ringing the Bell after the last radiation treatment:)
Ringing the bell - Radiation is over

11/01/17 Last Radiation Treatment - Ringing the Bell
Still Smiling
So they have this bell and when you finish the radiation treatment the team that's been with you for the whole process has a little party for you and you get to ring the bell. I's a small ceremony, but it's something that everyone looks forward to. There's a crowd in the room with techs and nurses, etc. But I wasn't interested them - I got a picture of the important person in the room the star of the show. It had been a real stuggle the last two weeks and she'd struggle a little more every day but she wanted to finish the treatment and for the first time, she told me after as we headed home, she wished she had stuck to her original decision and not gone through the treatment. Since thie started, it was the first time she ever said she wished she'd done it differently. It was, I know, a big struggle and it had taken a big toll on her. But blow up the picture - she's still smiling. She was a tower of strength and never appreciated how strong she really was. She really never understood the way a room lit up when she care into it. But I didn't finish the tale. So it was mostly downhill from here. But I was blind to what was actually happening I think. I didn't see it coming. Her weakened condition from the Cancer treatment and her immuno suppresion teamed up against her and she developed pnumonia they did try to treat it, but what she really needed was a feeding tube again to be able to get her strength back, but she didn't want to do that. I believe she knew she was fading. We talked about it a little, but we both expected I think for her to make it to 2018. We planned some Christmas stuff - we started buying presents - and we sent to the Mayo almost every day for infusions of fluids and antibiotics. Then Saturday, December 2nd, she just said she was done. She told me that she was tired, that she couldn't do it any more, that she wasn't going to the Mayo that morning and a couple hours later she was gone. I cried - a lot I think, but then I had to stop. There's all this mundane stuff you have to do when someone dies. We didn't make a big production out of it, she didn't want a funeral so her brother and his wife came for the burial. We did the natural burial which is what she wanted and said good bye - sort of, I still talk to her, I just don't get answers but I'm sure she hears.
01-21-2018 Snow in Payson Az.
Snow In Payson Az
Now it's a month and a half later and I'm getting better. The many things I learned with Sheila have helped me a lot. I mean it really IS WHAT IT IS - and all the crying and moaning & groaning in the world won't make it something it isn't. We had both known that this was going to happen, we just didn't know when and believe me when I tell you - knowing when won't help. Sheila wanted to go quickly with a minimum of fuss and she got her wish. As requested I waited awhile before I called 911. I held her and in the end she waited for me to tell her it was ok before she exhaled for the last time. The Doctor at the ER wanted to give her some stuff to make her heart beat again but he also told me at the same time that her kidneys had stopped functioning. That really helped me to remember what she wanted. She was really miserable the last few days. She just didn't feel good, she had a bad pain in her lower abdomen and the pain pills wheren't helping that much with it. But she kept smiling right up to the end. There was a moment when she looked scared, she grabhed me and held on. Then it passed and a look of peace filled her eyes - then they went blank and I knew she had left. Her body didn't realize it yet, but she was gone. I called 911 and showed them the DNR order she had from the Mayo. They were good and just took her to the local clinic. She was still breathing, but it was a labored breathing. I referred the Doctor in the ER to her lung doctor at the Mayo and that kept him occupied for awhile. Then I just held her and told her it was OK to let go and her body quit trying to call her back. She liked it up here in Payson and wanted to stay and see the snow again. It came late, but it did come and so the last picture for JANDSE.COM is the one to the left. The Adventure is over for us. Perhaps there'll be a new adventure for me - time will tell.

Christmas Sheila with presents
                                                                  SHEILA EILEEN EWING
                                                         JUNE 6, 1946 to DECEMBER 02, 2017
                                                                    Gone But Not Forgotten
Snow In Payson Az 2/9/2018 - CHANGE OF MIND - I had originally decided to just leave up and stop posting here, but in retrospect I have decided that I'd rather keep the site going and post whatever else I do here. If eventually I find someone new and she objects then I'll start a new site but till then the Advanture, or at least half of it will continue. If you want to remember Sheila then I suggest that you copy that last picture, that picture says SHEILA to me and I went through a lot of them to find that one. I think she picked it out actually as she led me to it a couple times before I chose it.

So the picture to the left is my new space in Texas. Not sure how long I'll stay here, but for the moment it's where I'm parked. It is warmer here so it's a good winder spot but from what I hear it does get very warm in the summer so I may move north for the summer. Just don't have any definite plan right now. I'm parked, I'm back to working and I'm waiting for the lottery to pay off and give me the money to get a new office and build the business back up. The bike is back on the ground, haven't been for a ride yet, but it's on the ground so I will get to it one of these days. Work is still busy at this point so I'm plugging away at that to keep me occupied. So this will be the last post on the 2017 page - but I already have a  Jan 2018 page started  with my trip here  and  so the adventure isn't over yet -  just stepped down a notch.  Till next time be safe and keep smiling. By the time you KNOW WHAT IT IS - it's too late to change it so learn to accept it and be happy. Happiness is a choice - CHOSE IT!